Caught in the Matrix--The Relaxed Days

I won’t fake the funk and pretend that hair is a new obsession of mine as a natural.  I’ve always been inquisitive about hair and have always had a little obsession about hair (ok, maybe a major obsession).  I recall when I was a little girl, I must’ve done something that deserved a spanking.  After that butt whoopin’, age 7, I insisted to my mom and dad, that that particular can of whoop @ss must’a hurt my back and that I could hardly move (can you say—drama queen!).  It’s important to note that my dad at the time (now retired) was in the Air Force, and we were living overseas.  Child abuse laws were more strict than they are now.  I insisted that my parents take me to see a doctor due to my back pain (somebody…get my cane…lol).  Now, looking back, it wasn’t that bad of a whoopin, but at the time, I just felt that that particular spankin’ hurt a lil more than the other ones.  My mom and dad were frightened to take me to the emergency room (it was late evening). Fearful that they would be accused of child abuse (which I assure you, it was not), they bribed me with everything to not go to the hospital; candy, ice-cream, a new doll, anything not to go to the hospital (they also knew there was no real harm caused to me).  But, I was determined, (‘trick no good’).  So, hesitantly, they got dressed (I stayed in my jammy’s), when they came downstairs,  they saw me just a twisting and turning my back and patting and fluffing my huge billowing afro to ensure my hair looked good before I went to the hospital.  Uh, needless to say, we didn’t go to the hospital…HA!

Later on in life, (yes, I’m digressing-LOL), as an adult, I began going to the salon for chemical relaxers.  I know I was driving my beautician (hereinafter referred to as Agent Smith and/or Smith) nuts because I was always asking her questions about products.  Hey, what’s that you’re putting in my hair?  What’s that do?  Why are you doing it different this time than last time?  Agent Smith didn’t take too kindly to my questions.  Smith felt as though I didn’t trust her.  I tried to explain that it wasn’t distrust, it was just my natural inquisitive mind wanting to know the hair regimen Smith followed on my hair so that I could replicate it  for at home hair maintenance purposes (wink wink).    

Caught in the Matrix:  As a bald-headed relaxed chick (not by design) I suffered from horrible dandruff (shexy I know).  Relaxers burned me to no end (envision smoke wafting from my scalp).  Of course followed nasty scabs that I couldn’t help but to pick (so classy). My hair was breaking off at free-fall speed no matter how much I tried to delicately handle it. My paper thin relaxed hair never grew past my shoulders, more like, NEVER touched my shoulders. 

• Dandruff: As my saltyness (is there such a word?) about my hair situation progressed, I would sporadically conduct on-line research (various resources) about products to assist with remedying my above listed pestilent plight.  I discovered several websites that explained the benefits of tea tree oil/shampoo/conditioner to remedy dandruff.  I would mention my findings to Agent Smith, she insisted that these things were only for “white people” and that “some people just have dandruff and you’re one of them”.  Mmm-kay! Smith possessed the hair license, not me, so I dismissed my findings.  Obviously, my problem w/ dandruff continued (ewww). 

• Shampoo: Undeterred and driven to learn the reason/cause for my snowflakes, additional research continued (let’s just say “the Matrix” was appearing on my computer screen ;-)).  As I continued my research, I discovered the importance of removing product build-up from the scalp and hair via options of clarifying/chelating shampoo’s .  Research revealed a lack of such ‘deep cleaning’ results in unhealthy scalp conditions and could lead to (lo and behold)…dandruff.  I shared these research findings with Agent Smith.  Smith dismissed that notion and simply responded nonchalantly, “Clarifying products are for white people”.  Uh huh (side eye), “Well, Smith is the professional”, I thought, and I again, reluctantly dismissed my findings. 

• Trimming Ends:  Although I faithfully paid Smith $45.00 every salon visiting Wednesday (shampoo & style), my hair was not flourishing.  My research inquisition never halted.  Against my better judgment and research, Agent Smith attempted to convince me that trimming ends with every relaxer was imperative in order to remove constant recurring split ends.  Agent Smith stated, “Clipping the ends helps the hair grow faster and the more you clip, the faster the hair grows”.  And as I tried to make sense of my dream world vs reality, and even though my research contradicted this, and even though I realized that all my new growth was in vain as my ends were snipped like the foreskin of a newly born baby boy (yea, I said it), yup…I drank the kool-aid (can you say KOOL-AID SMILE).  I remember telling Smith on a relaxed salon visit, “Well, this time, make sure you clip off plenty, that way it will be sure to grow back 10xs faster (I promise my natural color is not blonde!).

• Breakage/Shedding: At various intervals, I began seeing tiny bits and pieces of my hair on my shoulders, the sink, my work desk and bathroom floor anytime my hair was touched.  I shared this info with Agent Smith during our weekly Wednesday sessions and nervously exclaimed, “I think my hair is breaking off”, I shared with Smith that I had enough breakage to coat an American Hairless Terrior (dramatics, but I’m so serious though!)   Smith contended that, “Your hair isn’t breaking, it’s shedding”.  “Even though there’s no bulb or root?” I would ask.  Smith  responded, “Well, your hair is short and therefore the hair you’re seeing is going to be short pieces of hair”.  After 7 years of visiting Agent Smith and lack of any evidence of growth.  I stopped drinking the Kool-Aid and downed the red pill with a double shot of Patron (that’s my drank). 

The point I’m getting to is that at some point in our hair journey either relaxed or natural, we know when something just isn’t right.  There are enough valuable resources out there such as CurlyNikki and Naturally Curly that lends itself to conscious and eager-to- learn people who seek knowledge on how to properly care for and maintain healthy hair.  We must be accountable for our hair decisions (or lack thereof), especially when all the evidence shows, ‘Houston, we have a problem’.  We shouldn’t (learn from me) allow Agents to lead us astray or provide us with hair care information/regimens that are contrary to unbiased, well researched and scientific data.  And we certainly should never allow them to make us feel guilty for questioning what they’re doing or putting in our hair; licensed or not!   

Since I’ve been living in reality of naturaldom; dandruff don’t live here anymore(sing with me)! And although I’m only 5 months post BC, I’ve seen noticeable differences in my hair and scalp.  And for the first time I’ve seen noticeable growth in these short months.  This is my story.  I know that not all naturals experienced such trials and tribulations when they were relaxed.  But, shouldn’t I have smelled the rank kool-aid when Smith insisted on telling me the oil was pronounced joe-joe-buh and that I was pronouncing it incorrectly by enunciating it ho-hoe-buh???  I knew Smith was wrong.  How could I have continued to allow this person to treat my hair when I knew the information they were telling me and even the mere pronunciation of jojoba oil was alarming?

Simply put, I was caught in the matrix of undeniably wrong and incorrect information in regard to the basic fundamentals of hair care and set aside all common sense and my intuition.  I accepted Smith’s façade of telling me that, “Some people’s hair just doesn’t grow long, and you’re one of them”. 

November 2010 marked the month that I swallowed the red pill and escaped the dream world. I met a Morpheus, aka CoilyHeadChick (a naturalista), was introduced to YouTube and the rest is history.  That was my rebirth.  On March 12, 2011 I big chopped and have been enjoying the delightful yet sometimes bumpy ride on the Nebuchadnezzar to Zion.  I’m sure I will make many stops on my way to Zion, as my journey has just begun.